Time to pullover

Photo by Jared Rice on Unsplash

We have just celebrated the Easter weekend or Passover and the key message from government is “Arrive alive”. We all know what that means as travellers and holiday makers, but do we know what that means for our lives; careers etc?

I was reading one of Mel Robbins books recently and as she likens our life journey to a road trip, she makes a very big argument about the need to pullover. She is advocating for a moment to pause and reflect on where we are and where we are going?

As I was reflecting very deeply on her arguments, I felt that she is talking to me. That one has spent most of her time chasing a deadline; wanting to be ahead of the curve and I find myself thinking “where to my dearest”? As I reflected on this and in thinking about last week’s blog on defining success I asked myself again the same question from a different angle…what does success look like for me?

I cannot answer these questions if I am running around from one meeting to the next or travelling from one city to the next. I need to find a moment to pause and reflect….as they say when nothing makes sense or things are not working in your favour the temptation is to push hard but as Mel Robbins says it is time to pullover”.

As a coach I have tools to help clients to press the reset button and should you be interested in discussing this further then drop me an email on pam@zenandeleadership.com with a subject matter: Time to pullover.

For now, remember the quote “if the sea can calm itself; so can you. We are both salt water mixed with air”. Nayyirah Waheed.

Let me end this blog with two last questions:

• What will it take for you to take a moment to just be and do nothing?
• What will it take for you to pause and go inside and seek the wisdom of your own inner soul?

Until next time!!

Are your daily habits leading to your success?

Success is self-defined, and no one can tell you what that is.  It is what feels right for you as well as what lights up your soul.  Another way to look at success is that point of equilibrium where your wildest dreams and ambitions meet, and you feel enough and content.

It is often said that successful people have daily habits I.e., those activities; rituals; or practices you have taught yourself over a period of time and they’ve become second nature to you.

This takes me from my main takeaways from James Clear’s Atomic Habits I.e.

• “The more you repeat a behaviour the more you reinforce an identity associated with the behaviour.”
• “The more evidence you have for a belief; the more strongly you believe it.”

James Clear adds two new interesting dimensions I.e., association between and consistent behaviour as well as evidence and belief.  I could write a whole article about these intersections however I am well aware that when writing a blog you need to be short and to the point, so I will keep to that acceptable practice.

I recently read an article by Chelsea Clarke where she shares some things that successful people do everyday, let me move straight into those.

1. They wake up early….some people say starting your day at 5 am or 4 am has enormous benefits as the rest of the people wake up you are an hour or two ahead of the curve.  You can choose to use this time meditating, planning your day, praying, or whatever you need to do to give yourself a head start.
2. They read (almost everyday)….this is about expanding your horizon and deepen your knowledge of what is happening around you.  They say 30 minutes of reading a day exponentially changes your outlook on a number of things.
3. They write their goals down….Chelsea argues that 3% of the people who write their goals down are 10 times more successful than the rest.  They do not only write their goals down, they constantly reflect on progress and find ways to auto-correct if necessary.
4. They find themselves a mentor or a coach….they work with someone who acts as a trusted adviser or an accountability partner.  These two should be mandatory members of anyone’s personal board of directors as they either nudge you in the right direction or hold you to account on your own commitments.  

As a coach I work with my clients to find clarity on their goals or purpose, adopt a workable plan of implementation, help them to find their own solutions to their challenges and hold them accountable to their own commitments to themselves.  Let me know if you want to work with me by sending me an email on pam@zenandeleadership.com and let’s see how I can be of service to you.

For those of you that follow us on social media we will, in the month of April, be sharing tips on what are the practical things you can do to improve your life and work towards your own success.

Lovingly 

Pamthecoach 

Keep Shining

I attended church last week and as part of the children’s ministry they let them sing the song…”This little light of mine; I’m gonna let it shine”. It was heartwarming to see the little ones singing their lungs out and making some cute little moves as well.

I then started reflecting on the song and the scene as it was playing itself out in front of the congregation. At face value it was just little kids singing and trying to assimilate the message about shining their own light (quite frankly I am not sure that they could comprehend how powerful the message was….neither did I at first). But upon reflection; it dawned on me that this was indeed a very powerful message/sermon….one of self-belief and self-motivation and there and then I decided to write about it.

First let me look at the meaning of light (stay with me for a second and not allow your mind to wonder into load shedding but we could draw some parallels). The English dictionary defines light as….”the natural agent that stimulates sight and makes things visible”. Let it sink in that all of us possess an incredible ability to make things and ourselves visible. The question is do we? Or do we allow self-doubt and outside influences to determine our ability to illuminate our paths to success or prosperity?

What if you can just give yourself permission and allow your own light to shine? What could go wrong? Well I have news for you….things will start looking very differently and you will regain your power to shape your destiny.

One of my favourite quotes is “She remembered who she was and the world changed” (Lalah Delia). This quote is about intentionality and claiming your personal power. In my years of working with women as their coach; I am amazed how much patriarchy impacts many of us. It is our inability to see and embrace our potential and ability to carry families and by extension by being superwomen. (Child minder; the cook; the provider; the cleaner; the enabler….need I go on?)

Marianne Williamson puts it nicely and says:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others”

I think this quote albeit on the longish side; sums up the essence of my message to you.

Lovingly

Pamthecoach

Time to shine

For many people 2022 was a difficult year. This was a result of a number of factors….recovering from COVID and its devastating impact on people’s wellbeing and livelihood; increasing social and economic challenges etc. Notwithstanding; we made it into 2023.

It’s now time to rise and shine and be our own champions as we rebuild our lives. I would like to share a few tips on how can we do this.

• We need to first tap into our our personal power and believe in our own agency. We all possess an innate ability to bounce back and often times we lack self-belief and give up. It is my submission that we all can do this when we believe in it.
• We need to tap on our ability to dream and become more ambitious than ever. I am a firm believer in Vision Boards as they can be used as our lodestar and beacon of hope in times of darkness.
• We need to be grateful of everything that we have achieved as well as learning and embracing our mistakes and failures. Keeping a gratitude journal is one of the things that keeps me going and forces me to periodically reflect on my life and how it is unfolding. I have found that it is very easy to slip into self-pity and victimhood if we don’t sit back and review our daily lives. You will be amazed at how much good is actually happening around you if you just sit back and reflect.
• Being intentional – having a vision board as an overarching guiding tool and having an inner knowing of where you want to take your life is one of the best motivational tools you can have. It helps us not to sweat the small stuff and guides us as we move forward.
• Practicing self compassion – we need to be kind to ourselves and accept that not everything is within our control and also accepting that we are all doing our best under the circumstances as it is the only thing that can keep us going as we tackle life challenges.

I hope this short blog will help us to reflect; take a fresh look at 2023 and use the recommended tools to help us not to just cope with life but dance with life as we continue to rise and shine.

In 2023 expect more from me and I am here to help you navigate life and start creating our best lives ever.

Lovingly

Pamthecoach

Reignite the light inside

The last couple of years; months and weeks have been challenging for most people. People are going through a lot and some are even giving up hope or even considering migrating to other countries or changing jobs. It is a real time of hardship and difficulty and depending on your risk/hardship tolerance level this might be the time to give in whilst you can still salvage the little that you have.

As I was sitting; journaling and pondering on my and my clients’ issues; I found myself wondering whether we are going to turn the tide. I also asked myself when are we going to see things turning in a more positive direction? I don’t have the answer to any of these questions but one thing I know for sure; the day always follows the night. Sometimes the day’s weather can be a little overcast or even rainy but light and sunshine always follows.

This requires a shift in mindset and embracing more positive thinking. Norman Vincent Peale has written extensively about this topic and my main take away is “Believe in yourself”. This is what I want to talk about today and find that part of you that does not easily give up.

We all have an innate ability to bounce back or change our circumstances. However we allow self doubt and fear to take center stage and determine our altitude. We utter statements like…who am I to be successful? Who am I to make a significant change in my personal circumstances? I am unlucky or I am not good enough.

If I said you CAN change the current trajectory for the better you will probably accuse me of living in cloud cuckoo land. Here is the thing…..”every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember; you have within you, the Strength; the Patience; and the Passion to reach for the stars to change the world”Harriet Tubman.

This requires us to dig deep and turn to that part of us that propels us to move forward; the inner child whose ambitions have been put into slumber for decades because we don’t want to be judged. That part of you exists and is waiting to be given the space to show you and the world that it is possible to overcome whatever hardship you are going through right now.

One of my favourite songs is Mariah Carey’s Hero…when she says…”There is hero; if you look inside your heart; you don’t have to be afraid; of what you are. There’s an answer; if you reach into your soul and the sorrow that you know; will melt away”.

My invitation to you today is …..find that hero inside of you and reignite the light inside and use your personal strength to propel you forward. Tata Nelson Mandela once said…”May your choices reflect your hopes not your fears. So; start today towards the attainment of your wildest and scariest dreams.

If you need a little encouragement and tools to tackle these issues…Join me at the Incredibly You hybrid event on the 18th and 19th August 2022 as I will be joined by incredible women in celebrating women’s month.

Don’t miss out…sign up using the link below and explore ways to step into your power.

https://pay.yoco.com/zenande-leadership-consulting

Pamthecoach

Grit and Grace for women

Image by Getty Images

This week’s blog is directly influenced by my current read which is Grit and Grace by Sandra Haseley’s. This book is about the stories of 12 women who wrote about how they dealt with serious life blows and yet managed to rise up and also handle the situation with grace and humility. This blog is not a review of the book but more of an appreciation of the work done at two levels I.e. firstly the subject matter or content of the book and secondly the women’s collaboration in birthing this gift to all of us.

I am greatly inspired by the sisterly collaboration as it represents the essence of being a woman today. I firmly believe that the more women support each other and collaborate on large projects/ initiatives the more we can move the needle on women’s emancipation. Sisterhood and collaboration are the foundational elements for achieving our shared goal of ensuring society’s recognition and appreciation of the contribution women make in the formal economy. Their representation at the higher echelons of organizations and institutions cannot be overemphasised. Women’s time to lead is NOW whilst the world is grappling with major issues. We need the feminine and nurturing voice at the main table; more so now than we ever did.

The main topic for today is about GRIT… that innate ability to soldier on when you find yourself swimming against the tide. Life happens to the best of us…. Doesn’t that sound familiar? Often times these things are engineered and women often find themselves in unsupported environments all in the name of creating opportunities or ticking boxes.

The creation of equal opportunities should not even be a topic for discussion and yet many studies and papers; point to the fact that women remain under represented in key decision making platforms. When they are; they are often in the minority and have to prove themselves and show their worthiness in being placed in these positions.

Getting to a position is one big and considerable step however staying in the position and even better…trusting yourself enough to make the right decisions is often a challenge faced by many. In addition to letting go of self-doubt I want to add building what Prof Angela Duckworth calls “Grititude”. It’s the acceptance that you will make mistakes; perhaps fall hard but believing enough in your craft will get you back to the driving seat again. As they say…it’s not the number of times that you fail that matters; on the contrary it is how often do you rise again having learnt your life lesson(s).

“Grititude” is built in the arena; you have to be in the game to develop the necessary muscles; so put your best foot forward and lead with grace because you belong there and you have earned your stripes. Let’s raise our hands and let’s step forward and fill in that application form and declare to the world that we deserve to be at the table. Let’s do this unashamedly and with a great sense of confidence in our ability to change the course of society’s misfortunes.

Join me and my guests at the upcoming Incredibly You” event where we will be exploring this and other topics that matter to women today.

Don’t miss out…sign up using the link below and hurry up as seats are selling fast.

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Pamthecoach

Investing in Women

Zenande Leadership

Image by Brooke Fischer

Archbishop Tutu once said “If we are going to see real development in the world; then our best investment is in Women.” This is an affirmation that we often take for granted. Here is the thing…we live in a patriarchal world and this narrative is not the dominant one hence we don’t even entertain it.

Women remain the majority of our society and in many situations they are the primary care givers and society’s nurturers. Society often does not value this trait until we get hit by a pandemic. Now that we have learnt to live with Covid-19 and it’s venom seemingly abated; how many of us still remember the role of health workers ( doctors and nurses) played at a time when society was helplessly plunged into a crisis.

When we talk about investing in women we mean; giving women the space and opportunities to…

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Investing in Women

Image by Brooke Fischer

Archbishop Tutu once said “If we are going to see real development in the world; then our best investment is in Women.” This is an affirmation that we often take for granted. Here is the thing…we live in a patriarchal world and this narrative is not the dominant one hence we don’t even entertain it.

Women remain the majority of our society and in many situations they are the primary care givers and society’s nurturers. Society often does not value this trait until we get hit by a pandemic. Now that we have learnt to live with Covid-19 and it’s venom seemingly abated; how many of us still remember the role of health workers ( doctors and nurses) played at a time when society was helplessly plunged into a crisis.

When we talk about investing in women we mean; giving women the space and opportunities to lead. Listening to their wise counsel and setting resources aside solely for their uplifting as we recover from many economic and societal woes.

This August on the 18 &19 I am hosting 6 prominent women at the Incredibly You event. This event includes women from all walks of life coming together in a hybrid event to celebrate and honour the role that women play.

Do not miss out on this event…sign up using the link below and I promise you will be exposed to rich content and a networking opportunity.

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Don’t miss out as seats are filling up quickly.

In the meantime remember that we need to invest in our women and more importantly women should also invest in themselves.

Pamthecoach

Women Rising

Image by Christian Sankeur

Last week I was listening to music and Billy Ocean’s song “Suddenly” came on. On the one hand this brought back sweet memories which reminded me of the days of listening to Billy’s music with no appreciation and understanding of the meaning.

Fast forward to today where I listen to music and appreciate the sound in the same way I appreciate the lyrics. “Suddenly” is definitely a love song and what I resonated with the most was Billy’s reference to seeing “love as a fairytale” until that “first hello”.

How many times have we seen things in life as fairytales? How many times have we doubted our ability to achieve something? How many times have we felt that we don’t deserve the good things in life?

Owning up to being magnificent and incredible can take a lot of affirmation; at the same it can take just us switching things a gear and claiming our power. This is the one trait that incredible women have i.e. believing in their true power and having the ability to step into their own and dance with life as it unfolds.

I am super excited to be hosting 6 incredible women on the 18th and 19th August 2022. This will be a hybrid event and I will be journeying with these women of substance as they share their stories whilst inspiring all of us to be and do more for ourselves and those we care about dearly. These include other women and sisters by the way.

The event takes place at a time when the world requires more leadership and direction and this requires more women to step up; claim their rightful place in the world and take front row seats to solve the world’s problems. The world needs our femininity and caring nature to make it a better place for current and future generations. It needs women who are comfortable in their skin and care enough about humanity to share their wisdom with others.

I firmly believe that all of us have that innate ability to be incredible and do great things. We just need to believe in our power and greatness to lead the desired change primarily in ourselves and in society at large.

We can achieve all of this and more if we:

• set clear life intentions;
• follow our purpose;
• be kind to ourselves;
• adopt a growth mindset;
• set boundaries and
• learn to ask for help.

More importantly if we accept that we are incredible as we are and therefore don’t need to be fixed or mended and that we are a force to be reckoned with.

• See you at the event on the 18&19 August 2022.

To sign up please click on the link below:

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/138dxqTZs1aZR5aKKULuW8PTqOdRzGXEJGdwZSYo1oW8/edit

Hurry up tickets are selling fast.

Pamthecoach

The power of the tongue – emotional intelligent leaders

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You might think this is a blog about the human anatomy and that I am about to go into the intricacies of the use and benefits of the tongue as a muscular organ. Well; this blog is about the metaphor – the tongue….as a symbol of what comes out of our mouths and how this in itself is an act of leadership.

I have chosen to write about this as a way of making sense of a recent experience where I was facilitating a board strategy session for a public entity. It is a note to self (not to dish out what I experienced in that session); a healing point (letting it all out; journalling and meditating helps with healing) and a teaching point (to raise awareness to those in power and authority to be conscious of the impact on others).

I will not bore you with the details; suffice to say that in my twelve years of running a consulting business and being an experienced facilitator of strategy sessions; I have never experienced anything like that. The level of personal attack; (of course accompanied by this is not personal) and lack of professionalism in raising concerns (might have been justified I don’t know – history will judge) was a first for me. How I kept my cool and remained highly emotionally intelligent is worth an Oscar award. This was a real case of pull her down ( PHD) syndrome.

This left me thinking on how can I turn this experience around into something positive and hence I am writing this blog. I want to share a couple of point for leaders to take on board as they show up in a professional setting and they use their position to articulate their views. I will discuss these below:

1. Be conscious of your impact – Prof Daniel Goleman writes extensively about these matters in his Emotional Intelligence Model i.e. Self awareness; self management; social awareness and relationship management. The essence of this is that you need to be fully aware of your internal feelings and triggers and consistently seeks to manage how you act on these in a manner that builds and nurtures relationships.
2. Be the change you would like to see in the world… I am a firm believer that “leadership is an inside job”. The most effective leaders today are inclusive; self aware; seeks to serve and lead by example. As leaders we need to build a culture of respect and trust and we will not be able to get the results we want if we lead from positional power as opposed to being inclusive and act as change agents.
3. Leave a positive impression – We live in a world where everything is connected and every time you step out or open your mouth to others ask yourself the question – am I making friends or possible allies into the future OR am I creating future enemies. In a networked world you will never know when and how your paths will cross again so make it your business that you pay forward; you create future friends and allies and you are building your own legacy as a leader.

Another way that I intended to turn this situation into a positive will be to run a workshop in the month of May on Emotional Intelligence. It will be a one day workshop online called “How do I show up as a leader today – being emotionally intelligent” We will be opening doors to this workshop very soon please send any enquiry to info@zenandeleadership.com or follow us on social media so that you get front row seats.

In closing I am reminded of one of Dr Maya Angelou’s quote “People will forget what you said; people will forget what you did; but people will never forget how you made them feel”

Lovingly

Pamthecoach