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L-0-V-E

Love pic.jpg

February is known as the month of love.  We see a lot of people committing themselves or each other to a relationship as a way of celebrating love.   This is often a marvel to watch and one can’t ignore the open expression of love and affection and the sharing of love messages around Valentines Day.

 

I am writing this blog just to add my voice on how important love is in our relationships.  This could be romantic or professional relationships and I thought one can share a few points on some important elements for lasting relationships.

 

Before I do that… let me hasten to say that the best relationship to nurture and focus on in the first instance is a relationship with self.   Self-love and self care/nurturing for me is at the top of my priorities.   When we love ourselves and accept us as we are we tend to be less dependent on others.  Our expectations are more manageable as we have created the foundational base for our being and relate with others from a point of power.   It goes without saying that we need to invest in the things we love and ensure that we allocate time and resources towards ourselves… This could be the time to read; buy yourself gifts; spend time with self; make time to rest and rejuvenate; learning to say no etc.   Whatever it is that tickles your fancy, I just want to affirm you and say….” Yes, I matter”

 

Having set the foundation one would like to share a few relationship anchors that make any relationship last and I do not profess to be an express in this field however I feed the need to share my thoughts and views just to put things out there in the open for us to engage on.   Of course not every point resonates with everyone and there could be other additional anchors … Lets hear them and keep sharing in the spirit of love.

 

Here are my anchors;

 

  • Relationships work better when there is a shared future, goals and these are based on a common set of values and approaches to life or work. I have seen many team members or even couples, struggle with defining what are their common shared values! What is their outlook of the future?  Do they see the world and the organisation they work for in the same way?  Do they have a common or similar approach on how to get to that future?  I always suggest that this for any team it is important to discuss the “future they want” right from the beginning.
  • Trust is an important anchor. This can be developed over time but when it is absent often times there are doubts and questioning of people you hear terms like…” he/she has a hidden agenda”. Some people hold the view that trust is earned and it develops in a person showing dependability and reliability.  I know for sure the absence of trust leads to instability, retards growth and usurps energy.  Spend time in defining what this means for you and seek to find or build it for mutual benefit.
  • Shared Vulnerability – Brene Brown gives a powerful TED talk on the subject of vulnerability and discusses how some of us because of a fear, tend not to open ourselves up because we will be seen as not to be good enough or even not so perfect, intelligent or strong. I have news for you, as the secret to strong connection is vulnerability.  Go out there show that you are human, can make mistakes and learn from them; indicate when you are scared or you do not have all the answers.  It is in the vulnerability that the personal growth and connection arises.
  • Acceptance and forgiveness – This begins with accepting yourself as you are and knowing that nobody is perfect or as they say “there is perfection in the imperfections” and this will help you grow. Forgive yourself and others for sometimes letting you down and accept that love resides where there is acceptance and forgiveness.

 

As we celebrate this time please remember that love is important and we need to love ourselves so that we can love others. We are capable of loving and all we need to do is just to give ourselves permission to do so.

 

Loving you always

 

Pam

 

 

P.S Have you signed up for the upcoming International Women’s Day Event to be held on 8 March 2019?…  I would love to see more of you guys at the event where we can talk about these and other topics.

 

For more information, please contact:

ziyanda@zenandeleadership.com

Phone: 012 998 7337

The big bang theory!

We are in the last week of January and I can’t believe how fast this first month has gone. A lot of people refer to January as the longest month of the year and this is informed largely by the cash flow situation which is often created by the overindulgence during the festive holidays. Often times the anxiety passes very quickly and the excitement of a chance to rewrite the script surpasses any tinge of regret.

 

I like the re framing attitude and spirit that often permeates society. The narrative quickly changes to that of new beginnings and the opportunity this brings. To be honest we can spend our lives self-beating and regretting the past and certainly I do not subscribe to this approach. Life is to be celebrated and enjoyed and yes sometimes we can overdo it but we learn and move on. We cannot be stuck in what could have been we need to quickly move to what is possible.

 

I am a bit apprehensive about this month ending, as it has suddenly dawned on me that a whole month is gone and I am not where I should be in terms of execution of my 2019 plans. They are indeed quite ambitious plans to think of it but a big part of me likes the drive and living on the edge. It does feed an internal need, whilst at the same opening up a personal growth point. Well… that is a topic for another day.

 

Coming to what I want to share today and that is to embed the concept of personal goal setting. I am spending time on this topic in the upcoming Facebook Lives sessions starting this Tuesday the 29th until the 31st January at 19h30 till 20h00. I find this an exciting topic and liberating depending on your perspective. There are two schools of thought in this regard as some people don’t see the need. I definitely belong to a different school, as for me it is a way of turning my dreams and ambitions into concrete and measurable actions. It’s a way of holding myself accountable to me. I find when I accomplish my goals, I get incredibly motivated to be more and be more.

 

Over the years I have learnt a few things about setting personal goals and these are:

 

  • My goals must be linked and be congruent to my personal values otherwise they would be less about me and what I stand for.
  • My second biggest lesson is that I need to run my own race so my goals are uniquely me and much more authentic.
  • I have also learnt that I need to pace things realistically so that they can be achievable and also motivating.
  • Finally, and more importantly I need to be grateful for every step and I invest time in counting my blessings throughout the journey.

 

As I begin 2019, I have set goals for myself, my business and my general well being. I have a 2019 road map and I need to honor these. By honoring the goals, I am also honoring myself and I like that! It’s an act of self-respect and self-love. I am excited about what I have for you as my friends and clients and watch this space there is going to be milestones achieved, announcements made and champagne galore!! I claim personal success for all of us obviously based on personal goals.

 

Cheers and happy goal setting

 

 

P.s See you at the Facebook live sessions as we begin 2019 with a bang!!

explosion

We made it! Now lets get to it!!!

blog photo

Yipeee we made it into 2019 and how exciting it is to have made it thus far. Everywhere one goes in the month of January one is met with loving, congratulatory and encouraging greetings….” Happy New Year, Compliments of the New Year….All of the best for 2019, so it goes. It is indeed a feel good time.

For some people it is a time of deep reflection and contemplation. What have I achieved? What do I have to show? What impact am I gonna make moving forward? What goals am I gonna set for myself for the New Year? For some people it is a time for new beginnings…..try something new, challenge myself more, aim to achieve more. Whatever your frame of reference is, it is indeed a time to start afresh and try out some exciting things or breathe a new lease of life to old projects or goals.

For me, I personally believe it is a time to dream bigger and reinvent myself. It is a time to say how can I be of more influence or share my gifts with the world. This is the time I release past failures and mishaps and say to myself it is a new year, what did not work is in the past where I am now I have a chance to take another bite at the cherry. I do that through planning and setting myself goals and realistic targets.

Ben Brearly identifies planning as a means to communicate expectations and creating certainty in organizations. He further sees planning as a tool to help leaders hold people accountable. I share Ben’s conviction and personally I am always fascinated about how motivated people are when there is clarity on the intended destination and I have seen and experienced how this contributes to team effectiveness.

At another level engaging in personal planning creates an opportunity to discover your innate skills and finding ways of best utilizing them to get the greatest amount of satisfaction and enjoyment from everything you do. Brian Tracy contends that when you engage in personal strategic planning you embark on a journey of increasing your “return on energy”. I am a firm believer of setting personal goals and holding myself accountable for the achievement of the things I have set for myself. I see this as both liberating and creating purposefulness.

I have come across a few people and friends who never set goals and who just go with the flow. There might be value in that, I would not know however I hold a very strong view that where there is clarity there is bound to be better action.

I intend to share my thoughts on this and also the tools I use to develop and manage planning and implementation. If it is not for you it’s understandable however I would strongly urge you to give it some thought and join me on Facebook Live as I explore this topic and related matters. I will be doing this over 3 days from the 28th to the 30th of January. If you are not on Facebook don’t despair just pop me an email and I will gladly send you the recordings.

Happy planning and see you soon!

Pam

Working with leaders achieve personal effectiveness and organisational prosperity

www.zenandeleadership.com

info@zenandeleadership.com

+27 12 998 7337/ +27 82 550 5225

Skype: pam.the.coach

Celebrating our own- against all odds

As I am writing this I am airborne. Yes 37000 feet above sea level. Those that know me well will know what this means given my fear of flying.
Be that as it may I am cruising at 37 000 feet and decided to confront my fears and write this short piece to the sisters out there as a word of encouragement and affirmation.  The desire to celebrate at the moment far outweighs the fear and as I am happy to embrace the moment and forget about my daily struggles and jot something down in women’s honour.
We are celebrating women’s month and regardless of the issues that face women today and society today e.g. femicide,  increasing trend of under representation in key structures of political parties,  rising unemployment and economic hardships etc.   I still believe that this is  a momentous occasion. Women still need to be being celebrated for their efforts and bravery across the length and breadth of our country.  The other motivation for writing this piece is to join South Africans in honouring a struggle veteran, Ma Albertina Sisulu – who through their struggles and selfless commitment to bring about change and make the world a better place to live for current and future generations.
It is a moment of celebration whilst acknowledging the reversal of  some of our gains in society.    It is a moment of stepping forward whilst acknowledging our vulnerability.  (Noting that showing vulnerability is a sign of strength and has more to do with being human than being weak).   It is a moment of expressing concern whilst acknowledging the victories and gallant strides of our forebears. More importantly it is a moment to reflect whilst recalibrating our bright bright future.
Our future is bright and not less rocky though. Women have done it before and we can stand tall and say that history is on our side but only if we step up to the plate. It is a bright future but only if we face our fears and rise to the occasion. It is a future alive with possibilities only if we don’t delegate what it poses on us and urging us to march ahead. It is a time for sisterhood; young and old to stand up and be counted.
I want to use this time to honour my mothers; sisters and forebears to remember that the 9th of August 1956 was a historic moment. It defined history and it propelled us to move forward and never look back.  As a result, no matter what we should all stand up and say forward ever and continue to change the South African political and economic landscape.
As we celebrate Women’s month I would like to raise my hand and be counted. I would like to foster sisterhood. I would like to stand alongside my sisters( young and old) and say if it’s gonna be then it’s up to me. I raise my hand and I say “Count me in” not because it’s women’s month but because history calls on me to rise and shine and contribute to a brighter future for all women regardless of age; race; occupation; sexual orientation or religion.
This month I am in and I am marching forward to a rewarding and bright future. I commit to sisterhood; girls support and advancing our noble cause. More importantly I commit to love and dedication. Love for humanity and dedication to change the status quo and work towards a better world.
In honour of Ma Sisulu’s efforts and other mothers like Winnie Madikizela Mandela and in the spirit of Thuma Mina I have decided to set aside the 29th of August as a day of “free mentoring session” for women leaders.  All you need to do is indicate your interest at info@zenandeleadership.com or call 012 998 7337 to book your slot.   On this day I will be working with women leaders who have immediate challenges or burning issues to share or help navigate and work one on one to try and resolve these or agree on an approach.    I am super excited about this opportunity and should you want to take me up on it….you know what to do.
Happy Women’s Month

Loving what is!!!!

February is celebrated as a month of love. All our stores and restaurants are already gearing up for mega sales; romantic dinners; red roses etc.; all of this leading to Valentines Day.  Of course all of these are symbols of love as well as expression and appreciation of what is good between humans. It is a time of plenty; celebration; commitment and appreciation.

This year is particularly interesting as the 14th of February marks the beginning of Lent. Those who believe know that Lent is the beginning of a time of sacrifice and repentance. It is a time when Christians through fasting or giving up certain vices; embark on a journey of spiritual preparation for Easter and a time for deeper connection with God.

When I realized this I could not help but wonder why are these two events occurring on the same day in 2018. I have been cracking my skull, wondering if this is a contradiction or a unity of opposites. In philosophy unity of opposites is taken to “define a situation in which the identity of a thing or situation depends on the coexistence of at least two conditions which are opposite each other and presupposing each other, within a field of tension”

I have come to the conclusion that this is by no means an accident; it is a time of deep reflection on what lens do we use to look at life? It is a time to look at the concept of love from a completely different perspective. It brings to bare that the expression of love can be multidimensional and if you take a cursory look at it you can see contradictions. Sacrificing something as an expression of love; whilst at the same abundance and celebration can be an expression of love!

Here is the thing- do we focus on celebration or do we focus on sacrifice? Are these concepts opposite or presupposing each other? The more I look at it; the more I see the connection…. it is LOVE itself.

Love is the foundation of our being… it has a number of dimensions, which at face value might look diametrically opposite to one another and yet they are intertwined in the most fundamental way!!! It also is the epitome of the co-dependencies, which are present in our paths as we journey through life.

As we approach this month of love…. let’s us remember it’s all about the lens you are using to look at any given situation. If you focus on the difference then you will have a different outcome to what is. At the same time if you focus on the connection you will also have a different outcome to what is.

My advice is in this month of LOVE let just focus on loving what is and by so doing we shorten our path to joy and fulfilment.

I would love to meet you in my programs (please visit www.zenandeleadership.com)

Loving you always

Pam Yako

Leadership and Success Coach

‘Helping women leaders to be attuned and find their inner goddess’

http://www.zenandeleadership.com

+27 12 998 7337 or +27 82 550 5225

pam@zenandeleadership.com

Skype: pam.the.coach

p.s. please feel free to contact me if you wanna learn or chat some more or sign up for my newsletter at http://www.zenandeleadership.com

 

 

What are you grateful for

Gratitude is the ability to be thankful and appreciative for all things in life. Things might be good or appear to be bad and as the Bible says…. in all situations give thanks.

Oftentimes we go through situations where things don’t go our way.  We don’t get the job we want; we don’t get a tender; we carry extra weight; we lose our friends or lovers or we can’t pay our bills etc. Those situations often invoke a sense of despair where we want to give up or even worse start blaming ourselves.

Have you ever sat and reflected on the blessings those situations bring? It could be a message to start afresh; change direction; recalibrate or simply gather more strength and tenacity to give yourself a second chance.

Here is the thing…. I believe in the saying that “everything happens for a reason” and we need to be grateful that it happened as this will make you wiser and give you another perspective. Many successful people have one thing in common they exercise gratitude and embrace the deep learning that comes with failure or a setback.

As we start 2018 I invite you to join the gratitude trip and give yourself time and permission to reflect and see the bright side of life or embrace the belief system that says, “Joy comes in the morning”. Maya Angelou (one of my favorite and inspiring poets) talks about us being a rainbow in someone else’s cloud and that someone could be you; a family member; a friend or a colleague.

Here some gratitude tips:

  • Keep a gratitude journal and everyday write Keep a gratitude journal and everyday write down 5 things that you are grateful for on that day – Oprah has been doing this for at least 16 years;
  • As you wake up each day say thank you to God/universe that you woke up that day (practice this daily for 42 days and it will become a habit);
  • Speak your gratitude – as you find parking in a busy shopping mall; miss that accident or slow traffic on the highway; a stranger gives way in an intersection; someone offers their seat to you on the train/bus – say thank you!!!!
  • Create a gratitude jar… Add slips of paper in a jar with reasons on why you are grateful (like we you used to keep a cash/money box and before we know we have saved cash). Buy the jar from Clicks or somewhere like that and use Post-it notes to write; and
  • Buy or offer small tokens of appreciation for friends and colleagues to show gratitude.

These are small gestures and practices that help to refocus us towards the bright side of life. You do it consistently and consciously then your happiness bank will show a positive balance.

I am grateful that God has given me the courage to share my gifts and worldview with you through this blog and other programs that I offer.

I would love to meet you in my programs (please visit www.zenandeleadership.com) and for now let me say “Ciao”

Forever grateful

Pam Yako

Leadership and Success Coach

‘Helping women leaders to be attuned and find their inner goddess’

http://www.zenandeleadership.com

+27 12 998 7337 or +27 82 550 5225

pam@zenandeleadership.com

Skype: pam.the.coach

p.s. please feel free to contact me if you wanna learn or chat some more or sign up for my newsletter at http://www.zenandeleadership.com

What do you focus on?

2018 is upon us and I hope that everyone has an awesome year ahead.

I have a great feeling that this year has a lot of positive things in store for me personally; the country and the world at large. It can only be better from here…. C’mon let’s face it; the world becomes a better place when all of us start looking on the bright side of life.

This brings me to the essence of my blog today. Firstly it is to reconnect with you in the New Year. Secondly it is to share the personal space I am in and thirdly is to invite you to join on a self-fulfilling journey of self-love and self-belief.

2017 might have been a long and difficult year for some and they are hoping that 2018 will be somehow be miraculously better. Well here is the thing…. it all depends on what you focus on. If you focus on what went well and be grateful for it then the whole picture changes.

I choose to focus on the positive things that happened in 2017 and guess what? I have now realized that I have just had the most amazing year, filled with love and abundance. It is so because for once I have stopped focusing on “lack” but more on what I gained and what I experienced. Even the things that did not go well; as some did; were not a result of a lack of effort on my part; it was just life. The reality is that you win some and you lose some as you “dance with life”. Where I have not achieved my goals I have gained a lot of wisdom and experience and that is what I am focusing on.

This good feeling is what I am bringing into the New Year. I have drawn up a new list of things to achieve and I will relentlessly pursue these in the only way I know how. Hopefully I will achieve all or maybe not however; I know for sure that come end of 2018 I will be a better human being.

In 2018 I am focusing on my strengths; my achievements and my God given gifts and I am inviting you to do the same. I have developed new programs for you and I commit to write more. Just to share some of the things in store:

  • Host and launch of the Dining Room table Mastermind series for professionals and entrepreneurs in February;
  • Host the Grahamstown Girls Leadership project from February 2018 in partnership with Nombulelo and Ntsika High Schools;
  • Hosting the Annual Free Online Women in Leadership Conference on the 8&9th of March;
  • Launch my e-book on the “Unleash your inner goddess- 5 C’s to your destination” by end of January;
  • Finalize and publish the book on the Personal Stories of some Phenomenal SA Women (most ambitious project to date); and
  • Host the Women Leaders Retreat in September 2018.

These are some of the things that are on my to do list this year and just the mere thought of how much am stretching myself in 2018 gives me goose bumps. Of course all of this is made possible by a focus on the right things and having the right mindset.

Let’s keep in touch this year, as I would really like to connect and share my gifts with you.

Interested in any more info: visit my website www.zenandeleadership.com or give me a call or send me an email.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light; not our Darkness; that most frightens us” – Marianne Williamson.

I choose to focus on Light…. Happy 2018.

Pam Yako

Leadership and Success Coach

‘Helping women leaders to be attuned and find their inner goddess’

http://www.zenandeleadership.com

+27 12 998 7337 or +27 82 550 5225

pam@zenandeleadership.com

Skype: pam.the.coach

 

 

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